Helping Your Child Make Friends

While some children seem to have a better social life than you do, there are other unique and special little people who feel shy and hesitant in social settings, characteristics that may make it harder for them to find friends. While it is important to support your child’s individual nature, it is also vital to help them get accustomed to a variety of social situations that are necessary when navigating everyday life.

Here are some tips to help you help them:

Validate their feelings: It is very common to feel anxious or nervous when entering a new social setting, such as a classroom, so instead of telling them there is nothing to worry about, try validating their feelings instead. Let them know it is ok to feel nervous, explain that everyone does and reassure them that they will be ok. The nervous feeling will start to leave when they relax and begin to understand their new setting.

Practice basic conversations: If your child is especially shy then you can help them learn ‘social scripts’ which are everyday conversations they can practice with you. The more you practice gentle conversation with your child, keeping eye contact and showing them how to respond to different moods, then the better equipped they will be when navigating social situations by themselves.

Initiate playdates: This is where your child can practice building social skills in the safety and comfort of their own home. Before the play date show your child how to be a gracious host and get them to greet their guest nicely. Also, pre-plan some activities with your child that are of their choosing and let them take the lead in showing their friend how to play. During the playdate take a step back and let the time naturally unfold. Afterwards, review how the playdate went, giving specific labelled praise and positive feedback.

Don’t put your own expectations on your children: If you have a more extroverted personality you might like to have a busy social life, but if your child is introverted they might prefer a slower social schedule. Discover what their social limits and degrees of comfort are and work towards giving them that. Some children might prefer reading or drawing by themselves, but they also need to spend a little time with others so they have an opportunity to make friends. For some children, however, just one or two good friends is enough for them.

Article written using information from the Child Mind Institute.

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