Letter To The Editor

Hi Amanda,

I've just been reading your story and editorial on safer space for survivors.

It is a great step forward to have this safer space for victims of domestic violence, I also have been a victim of this.

In my immediate family we had an abusive, drunken father, we had to call the police many times as we feared for our safety, our lives even sometimes, back then it was behind closed doors and the police wouldn't do anything, he would pretend to be asleep and they would say well it's all calm now, and then they would leave, and then he would wake up.

My sister's and I could scale a 6ft fence in one leap, and then run, run as fast as we could, too scared to come home until late at night.

When I was in my late teens, he got really angry, hit me on the back of my head when I had my back to him, I didn't even know he was there. My head went down from the force of the hit, my face hit the taps at the kitchen sink, my nose was broken, my cheek was fractured, my teeth were broken, I just started screaming and spitting out blood and broken teeth.

He was shocked with the damage he had caused to me, he offered to drive me to the hospital, I told him I didn't want him to drive me to the hospital or anywhere else, I would get myself there.

While waiting in Emergency at the hospital I had to go to the toilet, that was when I actually saw what I looked like, I screamed, and my Mum came running in.

I cried to her, “look at me, look what he's done,” my eye was so swollen it was shut, I had blood and bruising all over my face.

I had him charged with assault, I had to practically force the police into doing this, and they were saying things like, ‘you better go through with this and not back out wasting my time’, over and over, with aggression.

It went to court, he was fined $1000, I received victim compensation which was just enough to cover my dental bill.

But a big issue was the general public, people I knew who couldn't understand how I could charge my Father and take him to court, I was dumbfounded, I would say to them, ‘how could he do this to me, how can it be okay for him to break my bones because he's angry’, I'd say, ‘it's not okay, he's the one who did wrong, not me’.

I had to sit in court near him, he had support from his friend, I had an angry police officer, and then I had to go and live back in the same house with him because I had nowhere else to go.

Another time, I was married by this time, I was having Friday night drinks with some people I worked with and I'm sure my drink was spiked, I was offered a ride back to my car at a train station, which I accepted, only we didn't go straight to my car, I fell asleep and woke up in a dark car park at the beach.

I'm not going to go into details, but I will say it was not consensual.

Again, I was faced with an angry police officer when I tried to report what had happened to me, she said I was reporting him because I was married and I didn't want people to think I was unfaithful, she said that everyone we were around that Friday evening would be questioned to see what my behaviour was like.

I was so upset and felt totally alone, I had no support, no-one would help me, the only thing I could do was go to the doctor to get a script for the morning after pill.

So even though it's great that there is financial support coming in for victims if people don't change their attitudes towards violence, and don't stop making the victim feel like they have to fight to get justice and not try to lay the blame on the victim, their soul won't heal, they may smile on the outside but inside they are still broken.

Identity has been kept anonymous

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